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I
am not a selfish person…or so I thought. A few years into our
marriage it was obvious – at least to me – that it was Gary who
always put his agenda ahead of all others in our marriage. I felt
that I was expected to follow along. That perspective readily lent
itself to the role of martyrdom, a role that I assumed, of course,
with a great deal of “grace and humility.”
In truth, I was looking across the table
and putting most of the blame for our marital difficulties on Gary.
I was so busy “defending” myself that I failed to personalize the
message in Matthew 7:3 – “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in
your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own
eye.” As long as my focus remained on Gary, I didn’t have to face my
part in our struggles. Both of us became very good at identifying
the other’s “specks” and constantly reminded one another of those
irritating flaws.
As I began drawing closer to God, He began
putting people in my life who displayed behaviors that were
uncannily similar to mine. God opened my eyes to see how those
behaviors were selfish or self-serving. For example, I had never
noticed how frustrating it was to be interrupted or not be able to
get a word into a conversation. I began to see the many ways in
which I also put my agenda or priorities before those of my marriage
and family. It was painful to begin looking in the mirror, but the
greatest growth came from recognizing the truth. I can only change
one person…and that wasn’t Gary. As I began to focus on the ways in
which I hurt my husband and our marriage, God graciously changed my
heart.
Removing the “planks” from our eyes is a
life-long process…accomplished only with the grace-filled assistance
from God. As both my husband and I became willing to look in our
respective mirrors, God opened our hearts to becoming the
individuals He desired us to be. And, most importantly, looking
across the table was no longer an exercise of criticism and
finger-pointing but, rather, an act of love.
Are you willing to look in the mirror…and
leave your husband’s changes to God?
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