|
“For
heaven’s sake he should know what I need. After all, we’ve been
married for over twenty years!” How often have the assumptions we’ve
made led to frustration and hurt in our relationship with our
husbands?
There have been countless times when a wife will sit in the
counseling session saying, “I am not receiving anything that I need
from this marriage.” In response to the question, “What is it you do
need?” so often we see a silent, “deer in the headlights”
expression. “Well, I’m not sure what I really need….but I’ll know it
when I receive it!” Many times, we assume that our spouse will
naturally know how to love us, how to meet our needs, and how to
respond to our ever-changing moods. Inevitably those assumptions
lead to feelings of frustrations on the part of our husbands and
hurt and hopelessness on our part.
Assumptions can take many forms:
●
Expecting our spouse to “read our mind.”
●
Assigning our own thoughts to other’s motives.
●
Assuming that we know what our husband is thinking.
●
Assuming that a past response is the appropriate response today.
●
Concluding that a spouse’s actions or words are intended to hurt us.
●
Assuming that our husband’s unhappiness is a result of something that we did.
●
Assuming that years of marriage will naturally lead to a deep knowing of one another.
Two of the ways in which you can minimize the negative impact that
assumptions have on your marriage are:
1) Take nothing for
granted – if in doubt, ask!
2) Simply decide to understand the facts – as they apply to you or
to your husband – in every circumstance.
These steps will
require more in-depth communications on the part of both of you and
a sincere desire to know one another. The payoff, however, in fewer
misunderstandings and less marital hurt will be well worth the
effort.
Click here
to see a listing of previous newsletters. |
Click here
for
a printable version of this story.
